And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Today I completed Day 33 of the 30 Day Shred. I was enjoying myself so much that I didn't even realize I had surpassed my goal of Shredding for 30 days.

So my final analysis of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred -

I'm. Hooked.

I love Shredding. I love it. In just 20 minutes a day I can really see my body transforming.

I actually have arm muscles now.

My rear end is tightening up.

My saddle bags are shrinking.

The flabby flesh on my thighs is disappearing.

But best of all - I feel great about myself and my body. It's been a long time since I could say that!

I wake up in the morning, check my schedule for the day and figure out the best time to Shred. And then here's the kicker - I actually do it.

If you want a quick workout that will give you results, get this DVD. You won't be sorry you did.

And that's all I'm going to say about Shredding.

For now anyway.

Guess I'll need to head to the grocery store if I want to see a six-pack.

I was about to hop into the shower this weekend right after Shredding and Sarah barged into the bathroom.

My kids have a radar that goes off at the precise moment I am about to get into the shower or sit down on the toilet.

She pointed at me and started laughing. (Nothing will make you stop admiring yourself in the mirror faster than your daughter pointing and laughing.)

She then ran up to me, grabbed a handful of my pasty stomach fat and said, "Mommy your tummy is still all squishy. You need to take some more exercise!"

Sigh....

But at least my husband is more supportive than my daughter. Every evening when he gets home from work he will ask me if I did my Shred and which level I completed.

Last night as I was putting my pj's on, I looked at my stomach and pointed at the very bottom of my rib cage and said, "Does this look like the beginning of a six pack to you?"

He chuckled and said, "We have too much fat over our stomach muscles to see a six pack."

Notice how he said "we" and "our?"

No wonder I love that man so much!

The Red, White and Blue Salad. And in plenty of time for the Fourth of July!

In addition to Shredding every day, I have been trying to eat healthier meals. Because who wants to sweat with Jillian Michaels for 20 minutes every afternoon only to eat like a pig in the evenings?

It just seems counterproductive.

Here is the recipe for salad that I am currently enjoying. I like to call it the Red, White and Blue salad for obvious reasons.

My husband told me there's too much green in it to call it a Red, White and Blue salad but I told him the word salad covers all the green.

And then I told him not to rain on my cute-salad-name parade.

The Red, White and Blue Salad with Poppy Seed Dressing

Salad Ingredients:
Baby spinach
Strawberries, sliced
Blueberries
Goat Cheese, sliced and crumbled

Dressing Ingredients:
1/4 cup Red Wine Vinegar
1 tablespoon Splenda
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon of poppy seeds
Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:
In a small bowl, combine vinegar and Splenda. Whisk well.

Slowly add the oil while whisking and continue whisking until mixture is emulsified.

Cover and chill the dressing until ready to use.

Combine baby spinach, strawberries, blueberries and goat cheese.

Let dressing stand at room temperature for 5 minutes and whisk again before serving.

Dress salad and enjoy!

I don't mean to TOOT my own horn!

Yesterday was Day 22 of the 30 Day Shred.

And as of yesterday, I have done the Shred TWENTY ONE times. I admit that I skipped Mother's Day. But in my defense, I was at the beach and well, it was Mother's Day.

I have not lost any weight doing the Shred but at the same time, I haven't gained any either. And I have been doing A LOT of eating since starting the Shred.

For starters, I was at the beach and my mom cooked large breakfasts every morning, we ate dinner out every night and we went to Dairy Queen every afternoon.

But I am not disheartened by my lack of weight loss because I can actually see improvement in places other than on the scales.

The fat that hung over the top of the back of my jeans is practically gone. The fat that hung over the top of my bra is practically gone. My arms are becoming more defined and my stamina is increasing.

And best of all, I discovered that what I thought was old lady skin jiggling around on the top of my thighs was really just fat! Now when I do those plank jacks, there isn't as much movement going on down there!

I still have a lot to work on.

I would ultimately like to lose five pounds and I would like to see the fat that hangs over the front of the top of my jeans and the fat that hangs under the back of my bra strap to disappear.

And I would like to be able to eat a large bowl of Kashi cereal for breakfast and do the Shred in the afternoon without having what Sarah calls "exercise toots."

Is that too much to ask?

A Wrinkle in Time

As of yesterday, I did the 30 Day Shred 7 days in a row! And by day 5 I was feeling pretty cocky about the ease with which I was completing Shred 1. (I even upgraded from Campbell's Soup to 3 pound hand weights!)

So on day 6 I decided to move up to Shred 2. Proverbs 11:2 that says "When pride comes,then comes disgrace..."

And let me tell you, there was a whole lot of disgrace going on in Shred 2.

I figured I could easily handle it. And boy was I wrong. I had trouble keeping up with half of the exercises. I was sweating like a pig. (Do pigs really sweat? I'm not sure but if they do, I was sweating like one.)

I was fumbling and bumbling and muttering unpleasantries under my breath through the whole workout. And thank goodness it's only 20 minutes because I don't think I could have taken any more.

But for me the worst part of the whole workout had nothing to do with actually doing it. It was what I saw while I was doing it that has plagued me ever since.

There is an exercise on Shred 2 called a plank jack. And the plank jack is evil.

E.V.I.L.

Evil.

A plank jack is completed by doing a jumping jack with your legs while your hands are stretched out in front of you on the ground. This exercise works out your whole body at once.

But the worst part of the plank jack wasn't the sweating and groaning and aching, it was what I saw during the plank jack.

The whole time I was doing (or trying to do) the plank jack, I was looking down at the floor and my legs because basically I was too weak to hold my head up.

And it's during this time that I saw it. Not my flabby thighs. They don't bother me so much because I see those on a regular basis.

It was the wrinkly skin covering my flabby thighs that shocked me. I have spent so much time analyzing the wrinkles on my face that I didn't even think that there might be wrinkly skin on the rest of my body!

Have you ever seen the occasional segments on the nightly news where they are heralding a man or woman in their 80's that just completed a marathon or a triathlon? And they show a picture of this person in their bathing suit or in their running shorts and you think to yourself, "Good for them! They are so healthy!" and then the very next thought running through your head is "Oh dear Lord! Look at all that wrinkly skin! It's everywhere!"

That's the way my thigh skin looked as I was heaving and hoeing during my plank jacks.

Old wrinkly leg skin.

And on Day 7 I went back to Shred 1. I tried to tell myself my muscles were too sore and they needed to rest. But I really just think it was so I wouldn't have to stare at that skin again.

The second part of Proverbs 11:2 says "...and with humility comes wisdom." I guess I've wised up a little because today is Day 8 and I'm going to give Shred 2 another chance. I'm just going to keep my eyes closed during the plank jacks!

So far, so good!

I have done the Shred now for 4 days (in a row, I might add!)

And 3 of those times have been with kids in the room. For an effective workout, I do not endorse Shredding with kids. Kids in the room mean too much talk and not enough action.

But my kids were excited to "take exercise" with me so I let them stay.

When Sarah saw I had soup cans, she ran to get some canned goods of her own. However, when she realized that I had the Campbell's Princess Chicken Noodle soup and she had a can of lima beans, she quickly begged for an exchange.

And after a few minutes of the Shred, Sarah declared, "I like my cousin Jillian, but I don't like this Jillian. This Jillian is mean!"

Mean? I don't think so Sarah. Anyone that can help me tighten my rear end in 4 days is not mean.

Peter was helping me this morning and was full of questions. "Why are those girls always in that same room wearing those same clothes?" "Why is that Jillian person the only one who ever talks?" "This isn't exercise Mom. Playing ball is exercise. This is easy!"

Easy? I don't think so Peter. Anything that can help me tighten my rear end in only 4 days is not easy.

After four days of The 30 Day Shred, I'm still excited. Level one is starting to get a little easier and I actually do look a little firmer in certain places.

But I do think I am going to upgrade from canned goods to actual hand weights. That way Sarah and I won't have to duke it out for the Disney Princesses. Because nobody should have to work out with lima beans!

Campbell's Soup is good food.

The first words out of Jennifer's mouth when she found out I purchased The 30 Day Shred were "You didn't need to buy it. It's on the Exercise Channel."

Jennifer,who works out all the time, actually knew that Time Warner Cable has a channel called Exercise On Demand. I'm quite certain I breezed by it one day in my quest for Food Network On Demand but never looked back.

So armed with this new knowledge, I was faced with a dilemma. Should I wait for my DVD to arrive in the mail in a week or should I jump right in with my workout?

And of course, I'm sure you know what route I decided to take.

I convinced myself (rather quickly I might add) that I should wait so that I could thoroughly review all the information that came with the DVD to insure that I would be properly prepared to Shred effectively.

At least that's what I told myself. Ultimately it came down to me being lazy and wanting a few more days to contemplate what I've done so that that I could mentally prepare for the work that lay ahead.

And then this morning I went swimsuit shopping.

There is nothing like a pile of ill-fitting swimsuits laying discarded in the corner of a fluorescent-lit dressing room to make me speed home and search for Jillian Michaels doing The 30 Minute Shred on the upper channels of cable TV.

And after I found her, I did her little Shred.

Bring it on Jillian, I thought to myself as I was sweating through her circuits all the while trying to block out the image of my pasty muffin top glowing under the fluorescent lights of that dressing room. (And don't even get me started on that annoying little roll of back fat.)

My arms are quivering as I type these words and I didn't even have any weights to use for the arm exercises. I had to do some quick thinking and resorted to using two cans of Campbell's Cream of Chicken Soup.

Mmmmmm....Cream of chicken soup goes great in all sorts of dips and casseroles and......

Oh! Where was I?

Yes. That's right. My arms are quivering but y'all I feel good! I made it through the first 20 minute Shred and I am actually looking forward to doing it again tomorrow!

So if you need a little motivation to get started on The Shred or any other exercise program, might I suggest a quick trip to the mall, a dressing room with fluorescent lighting and a bathing suit that claims to be your size.

***Note - if you live around here and you have Time Warner Cable, the Exercise On Demand channel is 654. There are tons of free workouts. I could have saved myself $8.99 plus shipping and handling if I had only known!***

Did I really do that?

Last night as I was sitting in front of the TV watching American Idol with no chips and dip in hand because I had eaten all of the dip and was too lazy to mix anymore up, I thought to myself, WHAT HAVE I DONE??

Did I really purchase a workout video this morning and then proceed not only to tell my mom and my BFF about it but the entire Internet??

Geez...now I am actually going to have to do it.

If I had just kept my big mouth shut, I could have purchased it, tried it once, and then thrown it in the cabinet with all the other DVDs and no one would be the wiser.

Great. Just great. That's what I get for drinking lots of coffee and shopping online and having a blog...

I think we need a new motto - Friends don't let friends shop and blog caffeinated!

Caffeine usually leads to an impulse purchase...

This morning at 6:00 AM while I was drinking my coffee, I read yet another blog post by yet another blogger who just started Shredding.

What is Shredding you ask? And no, it has nothing to do with sensitive documents.

As far as I can tell, "Shredding" is what you are doing when you do Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred workout video.

Each workout session lasts 20 minutes and it uses an interval system - 3 minutes of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of ab work - wash, rinse, repeat.

Jillian Michaels is one of the trainers on The Biggest Loser and she seems to know what she's doing, so in a caffeine fueled frenzy, I ordered the DVD.

Last spring, I was up at the crack of dawn every morning for 4 months walking for 45 minutes with my mom. And while I enjoyed talking with my mom every morning, I didn't see any weight loss results.

Granted, I didn't gain any weight during those 4 months, but I didn't lose any either and for me, that was the whole point of getting up before 5:00 AM. We probably weren't walking fast enough. A case of too much talk and not enough action!

So, I've ordered this DVD and I guess I'll give it a go.

I'm going to be 40 in September and I would like to be fit and trim by then.

And apparently, sitting on the couch at night watching The Biggest Loser and eating Kettle Sweet Onion Potato Chips dipped in Tastefully Simple Fiesta Dip isn't doing anything to tone and trim my abs and rear. But y'all, they sure do taste good!

Has anyone done the 30 Day Shred? How did it go? Is this something I can stick to for 30 days or will I be back on the couch with my chips and dip?

And why is it called the "shred?" Wouldn't the "shed" be more appropriated? "Shred" makes me think of shredded cheese, shredded pork sandwiches, shredded lettuce covered in ranch dressing...

Yum...

....where did I put those chips and that dip?

But they taste so good!

I have been reading a lot lately about increasing your fiber intake, especially if you are looking to drop a few pounds.

The experts recommend eating 30 to 35 grams of fiber a day. They also advise starting to add this extra fiber slowly because of, well, the "effects" the extra fiber might have on your body.

Being that I am always looking to drop a few pounds, I decided to increase my fiber intake.

Jennifer suggested Fiber One bars. She said they were delicious so I purchased a box. And she was right. The Oats and Chocolate variety is especially tasty.

One of these bars has 9 grams of fiber. That's a lot in just one tasty bar. So I have started eating one of these a day.

However, I have not been able to add any more than these 9 extra grams of fiber due to the "effects".

I have no idea how the experts expect people to eat 35 grams of fiber a day. My husband would seriously consider separate households if I ate that much fiber every day. He is already taking issue with the "effects" of the 9 extra grams.

Sarah saw me eating one of these bars a few days ago and said, "Are you eating a candy bar?"

"No, I'm having one of my special bars," I replied.

I call them my special bars because Sarah ate one several weeks ago and loved the taste of it. They are a little pricey so I told her these were Mommy's special bars and only Mommy could eat them. I didn't want her eating my whole stash.

Plus, on a more personal note, the "effects" of the bar weren't wasted on her either. I decided the day she ate one that if she ever got constipated all I need to do was give her a Fiber One bar!

"Oh," she replied. "You mean one of your poot bars!"

Wide Load Warning!

I love the check my Stat Counter to see what ridiculous things people Google to get to my blog.

I laughed out loud when I came across this one...

"Is her butt real?"

Yes. I can guarantee you it is. Would anyone pay for a rear end like this? I think not!

I am on week three of walking at the crack of dawn with my mom. And I am hoping that a little exercise is all this rear end needs to help slim it down.

When I am trying to get out of bed at 4:45 AM to walk, all I have to do is think about this view and I bolt out the door.

I was horrified when I came across this picture from our recent beach trip. Because while the little skirt bathing suit looks decent from the front, it's not doing a thing for the rear view!

I have failed...

Well, I have failed myself.

Failed myself miserably.

In January, I showed you a horrible picture of myself and let you in on a little secret...I was starting a diet and was planning to lose 12 pounds by May.

At the end of January, I proudly told you I had lost 4.8 pounds but I was switching diet strategies.

Big mistake. Never gloat about weight loss and never change diet strategies.

In February, I told you How Not To Lose 12 Pounds in 12 Steps. In this post, I consistently spelled lose "loose" and caught all kinds of crap from my husband. I went back and changed all instances of my misspelling but I am still hearing about it today. I think lose/loose is just one of those words I am going to always spell wrong.

Just a few years ago, thanks to the advent of spellchecker, I realized that surprised wasn't spelled "suprised". But cut me some slack - I'm Southern and we just don't pronounce that "r". I guess technically though, if I am going to use that argument, I should have been spelling it "suhprised" because in the South, that's how it sounds when we say it.

But I digress.

Ahem.

In April, I posted a wonderful salad recipe and the fact that my husband is losing weight (or is that loosing?) and that I was going to start eating only salads and join him in this whole weight loss thingy I've been talking about since January.

And while this salad is delicious, I don't think the blue cheese crumbles and the candied walnuts do anything for the actual weight loss aspect of a diet.

So, it is with my head held low, that I come before you on the day that we are leaving for our Mother's Day beach trip, the very trip I was trying to lose (see honey, you can teach an old dog new spelling words!) 12 pounds for and admit that I have lost no more weight.

Those 4.8 pounds are still gone but the balance is hanging around my belly/hip/thigh region like those people at the end of a party that just don't know when to go home.

So, I didn't meet my goal. But I'm not giving up.

On Monday I will start a new plan! I am going to add exercise! Yes! Exercise! That's it! That should work! (Please note - If you put exclamation points after any weight loss plan, it will be sure to work!!! I tripled exclaimed that one so that you will know that this is not a hoax!)

Mom and I are going to start walking every morning at 5:00AM.

That's right people. A.M. as in ante merīdiem. As in before the sun comes up. As in early - very early.

So, as I head to the beach to lounge my pasty pudgy self around on the beach and gorge myself on fattening restaurant meals, at least I have a plan. When I return, I plan to eat less and exercise more.

Novel idea, eh?

I don't think it will work. After all, there weren't even any exclamation points

How Not To Lose 12 Pounds in 12 Easy Steps

1. Do not tell the Internet in January that you are trying to lose twelve pounds by May.

2. Do not go on the Atkins diet if you have an aversion to eggs and sausage.

3. Do not go off the Atkins diet after three weeks thinking you can eat like former self and keep off the 4.8 pounds you did manage to lose.

4. Do not make these.

5. Do not feel proud of self for giving away extra pretzels but then keep baggie of toffee chips and chocolate chips in pantry under the guise that you will use them the next time you make pretzels.

6. Do not eat yogurt and fiber cereal for breakfast, an orange and a can of tuna for lunch, and a small serving of pot roast and a small helping of carrots for dinner. (Well, o.k., I guess you can do this step but it will only lead to bad things...)

7. Do not remember baggie of toffee and chocolate in pantry while cleaning up dinner dishes.

8. Do not pour entire baggie of chips into mouth while trying not to let kids and husband see what you are doing because Lord knows, you do not want to share contents of baggie.

9. Do not feel like a bloated cow for eating entire baggie of chips.

10. Do not take a Midol thinking that the bloating they are referring to on the package is the same bloating that is occuring because you just ate a whole baggie of toffee and chocolate. (Note to self - Menstrual bloating and binge bloating are two entirely different things.)

11. Do not run to computer to check the price of Nutri-System.

12. Do not...and this is the most important step of all...tell the Internet in January that you are trying to lose twelve pounds by May.

Diet Update

Almost three weeks ago, I told you I was going to lose weight and I told you I would periodically check in and let you know how it was going. I only told you this because I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of the whole Internet. I wanted to go public so that I would have someone holding me accountable for everything that went into my mouth.

And it worked because every time I wanted a cookie over these last three weeks, I have seen your profile pictures staring back at me telling me not to do it. And now I am 4.8 pounds lighter.

But before you guys rush to the comments section to tell me how wonderful I am and how proud you are of me, let me let you in on a little secret...I am sure that it was all water loss and that it will come pouring back on to my thighs and muffin top region on Monday.

Why, you ask? Why would this hard earned weight loss (water or other) come back on Monday? Sunday represents the first time in three weeks that I will have had more than 20 grams of carbs in one day and will represent the first time in three weeks that I will have had SUGAR. Ah, sweet delicious sugar, I can hardly wait. (And if anyone wants to place a Pampered Chef order, please do so. Seriously. Go here.)

I also know that the pounds will come pouring back on Monday because I am switching diet strategies. For the last three weeks, I have been following the Atkins diet. I lost 23 pounds on the Atkins diet after the birth of my daughter. I followed the diet for 18 months and was the thinnest I had ever been and probably ever will be. Sigh...

But for some reason, this time around, the diet is gagging me. The staples of the early phase of Atkins (eggs and meat) are literally making me feel nauseous at the mere thought of eating them. I have been consisting on lettuce and cheese for the last three weeks and have been hungry.

Oh, so very hungry.

And the sad thing is, you are not supposed to be hungry on Atkins. You are supposed to eat whenever you are hungry on this diet but every time I try to eat an egg, I gag. Every time I even think about a sausage patty, a funny little noise comes up in my throat and I have to leave the kitchen.

So I have been walking around like a sad puppy for the last three weeks longing for an apple, a banana or even one tiny grape. And then it hit me....any diet that restricts fruit...FRUIT!...even for the shortest amount of time is probably not the healthiest diet. And what kind of statement am I making to my children when I turn down a piece of fruit they are trying to share with me?

So Monday morning (after I indulge on Chocolate Bliss at the Pampered Chef party on Sunday) I will start my new eating regime. I have decided to eat more fruits and vegetables and limit my tortilla chip intake.


Hmmmm....this sounds new and revolutionary. I'm not sure if it will work but if it does I may have to write a book about it. Wonder if anyone would buy it?

I didn't want to have to tell you this...

I didn't want to tell anyone this but I'm going to anyway.

I have started a diet.

I know, I know. You are probably thinking, So, who isn't? or I don't really care. But I guess I'm telling you more for me than for you.

I figure the more people I tell that I'm dieting, the less likely I will be to backslide. If I just tell my Mom and Jennifer that I'm doing it, when I quit after a week, no one will be the wiser and I can go back to eating ranch dip and Tostito's in bulk and it won't matter. I am hoping that since I've told you I will be forced to keep at it until I reach my goal. Otherwise I would have to come slinking back here and admit failure.

I love Jennifer but it can be hard being her BFF because she works out EVERY day and she drinks only WATER. She eats whatever she wants to eat because she knows that very shortly she will be jumping on the treadmill to work it off. She works out before the food even realizes it has made it into her body, much less decides it wants to take up permanent residence on her hips!

For some reason, when I am around her I feel like I ,too, can eat whatever I want to eat, whenever I want to eat it, with no repercussions. I guess I have packed on a few a lot of pounds in the last six months or so.

I didn't really feel compelled to loose weight though until I looked at this picture which was taken on Christmas morning.



O.k. now that you've seen it, please ignore the shiny face and the greasy hair. Instead, please focus on how thick my middle is. I don't remember ever being this thick through the middle.

Granted I am wearing a white shirt. White only exposes fat. It does absolutely nothing to hide it. I guess it's the next best thing to sitting around naked. So I guess this picture is just me and how I look. Which is the most disturbing thing to me...this is HOW I LOOK!

After seeing this picture, I decided that since it was the New Year and since everyone was doing it I might as well do it too. I am going to loose 12 pounds by Mother's Day and I expect you all to hold me to it!

I won't bore you with how hungry I am right now or with frequent weigh-ins (unless I can't think of anything else to write about!) but I will let you know periodically how I am doing.

I hope the picture hasn't scared you guys off and that you will continue to visit my blog. And when you do come back, please look at my profile photo and try to get the other picture out of your mind!