We are in a bit of a holding pattern here...and I don't mind one bit.
Rebecca spent the day entertaining visitors - my parents and my brother came this afternoon and they brought Peter and Sarah.
Baby girl loves it when we get her out of the warmer, swaddle her and hold her. It's always a production but so worth it to get to snuggle with her. And when we are holding her she tries to open her little eyes to get a look at who's holding her.
When we put her back in the warmer and the visitors are gone, we sit be her side and hold her tiny little hands, massage her long feet and rub on her soft strawberry shaped head and whisper to her that she is loved.
The nurses let us change her diaper and take her temperature every two hours. And we know how to work the suction machine so we can help her get rid of all the saliva that has no where to go. And we are going to help give her a bath tonight which thanks to all the equipment and tubes and wires probably won't involve an actual bathtub.
Rebecca can't cry because of the tube down her throat but we know when she's upset. Her brow furrows, her back arches, her arms flail and her feet kick. She may be the quietest baby in the NICU but we always know when something isn't right.
We have been revueeing our options and we aren't going to put in a feeding tube and tie off the trachea/stomach fusion. There are a lot of risks and potential downsides to that. We also aren't going to remove her from the ventilator and other machines and watch her wither away either.
Instead we are taking a more middle of the road approach. We are hanging back, keeping her breathing and fed and we will just see what baby girl does.
If she starts to go on her own (which will most likely be the case due to the chance of fluid filling her lungs or air in her stomach bubble causing the stomach to push on her lungs) then we will make sure she is as comfortable as possible and love her as long as we can.
I think this approach leaves the door open for God to show his power and his might. We are allowing her to live. And if he wants to jump in with a walk on the water, feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes, raise Lazerus from the dead miracle then we will willingly accept that! But if that's not his plan then we will accept that as well.
And I guess, ultimately, that's what saying yes to God is all about.