The visitation and the funeral are over. My sweet baby has come and gone.
And here I am.
I want to write it all down. I need to write it all down. But I just don't have the words yet. And every time I try to type a sentence the tears start.
But I was afraid that if I didn't try to write something - anything- today that I wouldn't ever want to write here again.
Dan is back at work today. His company has been so kind to him with all the time off he took for his mom and for Rebecca and for that we are so very grateful.
Peter and Sarah are still on Easter break this week and honestly I'm glad. Not quite sure I'm ready to be sitting in an empty house. Although, part of me thinks a quiet house may be exactly what I need.
I'm a crazy tangle of emotions. Crying one minute, laughing the next. Wondering why this happened at all, thanking God that we had her even briefly.
I'm always trying to thank God. And I say trying because if I'm being very honest these last two weeks, I haven't felt very thankful. But I'm trying because I read a Lenten devotion last week that I can't stop thinking about. Every Sunday at Mass, I hear these words...
"Before he was given up to death, a death he freely accepted, he took
bread and gave you thanks, he broke the bread, gave it to his disciples
and said, take this all of you and eat it. This is my body, which will
be given up for you."
I've heard those words so many times that I guess I've taken them for granted. But this devotion I was reading reminds us that right before his death, a very painful death he did not deserve, Jesus gave thanks! So, even in my struggle with Rebecca's short life and her death, and my questions, and my tears, I am trying to remember to give thanks. It's not easy. And I'm struggling with it, but I'm trying.
And I'm going to try to get back to normal - whatever that is - around here. The blog will have pictures and stories of fun times and normal life. But I'm sure it will also have moments of sadness and reflection.
Because just like my tagline says up there, I'm just taking it one day at a time.