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Thursday, April 17, 2008

They like me! The really like me!

After I had Peter and went back to work, I was extremely dissatisfied with my job. I had been moved to a different position after my maternity leave, had a different manager who I had never met before and was doing a job that I didn't like.

My new job involved a lot of numbers and formulas and conference calls and I hated it.

And I'll be honest, I wasn't very good at it.

I prayed and prayed for God to help me. I prayed many times a day that he would make it possible for me to stay home with my son.

Dan and I crunched the numbers and didn't think it would be possible for me to quit. We were scared that we couldn't make it on just his salary so I kept on working and kept on praying.

And then, 5 months after I returned from maternity leave, I got laid off. I was mad at the company I had spent 11 years working so hard for, but oh so very happy to finally be a stay-at-home mother.

God had indeed answered my prayers because I never would have had the nerve to leave on my own and even though being laid off hurt my pride, I got a very good severance package and now, 5 years later I am still working as a stay-at-home mother.

And we are doing just fine on one income. Granted, the kids and I aren't wearing designer clothes and I don't do a lot of cute shoe and purse shopping, but we are doing just fine.

But there are many days when I don't feel like I'm good at my job, many days where I feel like I am just squeaking by as a SAHM, many days where my job satisfaction level is low and many days where I just feel like a bad employee with a bad attitude.

I often think that if my kids evaluated my performance like real companies do, I would fall miserably short, even as an "average" employee. I know my kids love me and I know that I love them more than anything in the world but there are days when I just feel like a crappy employee that deserves to be fired.

There are many days when I question myself. Am I good enough? Am I doing the best job I can do? Are my kids glad they are stuck with me all day? Every day?

And then, I got my answer. Yesterday when I picked my kids up from preschool, they came running up from the playground to great me with big shouts of "Mommy! Mommy!" and big smiles on their faces as they usually do.

And one of the teachers said to me, "Your kids are some of the few kids that actually come running up to their mom and shouting for them. They always seem so happy to see you."

I guess that's as close to an employee evaluation as I'll ever get. My kids are happy to see me and they would rather go home with me than stay on the playground with their friends.

I feel like I just got a raise!

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Grandma T said...

Answers often come in the sweetest ways!

jennwa said...

You must have candy (gum for Sarah) in your pockets.

Just kidding you are a great mom. You spoil them with love that is why they love to be with you.
You are a great mom. You should not feel bad about the job you are doing at all, but I think we all question our job performance.
Congrats on the raise!!!!

Texasholly said...

I got goosebumps from that. How sweet! Raises are always good.

What an amazing story. I am so glad it worked out for the best. I go through that thought process a bunch as well. But it just takes a moment like that to have things totally turn around.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I love this Beth!

I think the sign of a "good mother" is constantly wondering if we are measuring up. Sounds like your kids just gave you a great evaluation and raise on the spot. And how awesome is it that the teacher made that wonderful remark!

Amy said...

That is so sweet, Beth! I bet you are doing a lot better job than even you realize. Hopefully when our kids are adults, they will be able to tell us :)

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

We went through SUCH a similar experience when we had kids. I HATED my job prior to Gavin. When Gavin was born, I got a great paying part time job. Seemed like the best of both worlds. I had free babysitting from Grandma. I had IT ALL - no such thing. When Grant came along, I could tell Grandma was getting worn out. I cut my hours to 2 days a week. I could still see Grandma wearing thin. I wanted her grandchildren to be a blessing, not a chore. So, we looked into daycare. After one bad experience with an inhome, we decided we needed to do more of a preschool/facility. It was so expensive we figured we would try it on one income. We also started tithing completely that year (I had always tithed on net and not gross prior to that). Within 2 months, Brian got a HUGE unexpected bonus. Within 4 months, he got promoted and we were relocated to Canada and I would have HAD To quit anyway. We got a great financial package to move to Canada and we didn't struggle AT ALL. It was great. We were so blessed financially. We thought we would barely scrape by. We don't live extravagently. We don't take big vacations. My kids don't wear Gap (unless it is clearance), but they don't care and neither do I.

Act surprised when you see this in a future blog post. It is one of my planned miracle mondays.


Mari said...

That's the best evaluation ever - and the most important job ever!

Tina said...

Great little story...SO many of us relate to exactly what you said about 'job performance'. Being a mother may be the MOST guilt-inducing job ever...we all have it.

Thank God that kids are resilient and forgiving...and forgetful sometimes!!

Annikke said...

That is great! Way to go!!

the dragonfly said...

Having your kids run to you...that's got to be amazing.

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

THAT is so sweet.

Michelle said...

Oh Beth, I just cried! What a great gift!

From what I see and read here, you are a wonderful mom. I read your blog (and other mommy bloggers) for tips. I look to other mothers to see what I can do better or what I can do differently. You are one of my favorites!

I also envy you the ability to be a stay at home mom.

Someone told me once the difference between men and women is that women find a way to make do with what they are given.

I have been given a good job, great kids and consignment stores! Lol.

Always remember the opposite of faith is fear.

for your occasional feelings of inadequacy, I send you enormous hugs and lots of prayers.

Anonymous said...

That's sweet. I got goosebumps because I can totally relate. I've had the same thoughts countless times over the years. When people ask me if I miss working I say that I only miss the people (some people) and the recognition...being told that I was appreciated and KNOWING that I was good at it! But then my kids say something sweet and give me kisses & hugs and I realize that it's a billion times better than anything I ever got from anyone at Solectron. Then there's the other small confirmations: I was in Brandon's classroom the other day and his teacher said, "Brandon is just in LOVE with you." Sometimes Gracyn will hug me and just say, "Your my mom." Yep...that's all I ever want to be and I guess I am good at it after all! :)

Bonita said...

Congratulations on your evaluation and raise! I enjoyed reading the story of how God brought you home to be a stay-at-home mom. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Great story. I can relate to so much of it. I often ask myself variations of the "Am I doing enough?" question. I am glad you got such a perfect answer.

Queen of My Domain said...

What a great way to be greeted. Sounds like they really do like you. ;)

the mother of this lot said...

That'll look great on your CV Beth!

Donna @ Way More Homemade said...

Oh that is so sweet. I have gone through many of the same feelings and emotions many times over.

Don Mills Diva said...

What a sweet post - I'd say you've been promoted to the top job at this point...

Ann(ie) said...

That is so sweet, girlie. And ***yup*** that's your performance review right there!!! And you kicked some arse. I doubt my bosses would run to me with glee...they'd just say, 'oh super. The loud one's back." hehe.

Beth Cotell said...