I am not sure what I've done to Sarah, but she thinks that I don't love her. For the past several weeks she has been saying things to me like, "You don't love me" or "You love Cheyanne and Caity more than me." (Cheyanne and Caity are my friend Jennifer's children.)
And, while it's true that I do love Cheyanne and Caity, I love them in a different way than I love Sarah. But how do you explain to a 3 1/2 year old the different types and levels of love and that the heart is big enough to love many, many different people, many, many different ways?
I don't think I've done a good job with my explanations, because she continues to say these same things over and over again. And she continues to ask if I love Daddy and Peter more than I love her. So I have to try to explain that I love Daddy, Peter and Sarah the same and that I love the three of them more than anyone in the whole world.
And then she gets me with, "What about Grandma and Grandpa? Don't you love them as much as me?"
I have tried to be equitable in my conversations with her, trying to be fair about explaining who I love and how much, and trying not to leave anyone out, but last night, I gave up. And while Peter wasn't listening, I told her what I think she wanted to hear.
I said, "Sarah, I love you more than anybody in the whole wide world."
And the questions finally stopped.
I'm sure there will be more questions today, but for just one brief moment, I wanted her to feel that all of my love was just for her.
I'm not sure what I've done to make her question my love for her, but I want to erase all doubts. I want her to know that I love her. I don't think I will ever be able to explain just how much I love her, but I don't want her to question or doubt.
I just want her to know.