After I had Peter and went back to work, I was extremely dissatisfied with my job. I had been moved to a different position after my maternity leave, had a different manager who I had never met before and was doing a job that I didn't like.
My new job involved a lot of numbers and formulas and conference calls and I hated it.
And I'll be honest, I wasn't very good at it.
I prayed and prayed for God to help me. I prayed many times a day that he would make it possible for me to stay home with my son.
Dan and I crunched the numbers and didn't think it would be possible for me to quit. We were scared that we couldn't make it on just his salary so I kept on working and kept on praying.
And then, 5 months after I returned from maternity leave, I got laid off. I was mad at the company I had spent 11 years working so hard for, but oh so very happy to finally be a stay-at-home mother.
God had indeed answered my prayers because I never would have had the nerve to leave on my own and even though being laid off hurt my pride, I got a very good severance package and now, 5 years later I am still working as a stay-at-home mother.
And we are doing just fine on one income. Granted, the kids and I aren't wearing designer clothes and I don't do a lot of cute shoe and purse shopping, but we are doing just fine.
But there are many days when I don't feel like I'm good at my job, many days where I feel like I am just squeaking by as a SAHM, many days where my job satisfaction level is low and many days where I just feel like a bad employee with a bad attitude.
I often think that if my kids evaluated my performance like real companies do, I would fall miserably short, even as an "average" employee. I know my kids love me and I know that I love them more than anything in the world but there are days when I just feel like a crappy employee that deserves to be fired.
There are many days when I question myself. Am I good enough? Am I doing the best job I can do? Are my kids glad they are stuck with me all day? Every day?
And then, I got my answer. Yesterday when I picked my kids up from preschool, they came running up from the playground to great me with big shouts of "Mommy! Mommy!" and big smiles on their faces as they usually do.
And one of the teachers said to me, "Your kids are some of the few kids that actually come running up to their mom and shouting for them. They always seem so happy to see you."
I guess that's as close to an employee evaluation as I'll ever get. My kids are happy to see me and they would rather go home with me than stay on the playground with their friends.
I feel like I just got a raise!