I was brushing my daughter's hair the other day and she looked woefully into the mirror and said I hate my head. Why did God give me such a big ugly head?
I put the brush down and asked her if someone at preschool told her she had a big head. She said no and then she asked again why she had to have such a big head. I then started the lecture that contained such brilliant and overused-by-moms-for-the-last-200-years phrases as everything that God makes is beautiful, you are beautiful, God wants you to look just the way you look, I think you are beautiful, etc. Then I listed all the people that think she is beautiful and then she finally started to smile and all was well again in the land of Sarah.
But all was not well in the land of Mommy. Where did she get this idea? I mean her head is big. Both of my kids have large heads compared to other kids their age. I like to think it's because they both have big brains. But a 3 year old wouldn't be comparing head sizes at preschool? Would they?
As I was thinking about all the places should could have gotten this horrible idea that her head is big and ugly, I froze. All of a sudden I knew where she got the horrible idea that her head was big and ugly....she got it from me!
I make jokes frequently about the size of their noggins. And I know I've even had conversations about their big heads while they have been in earshot. Had Sarah gotten the idea that her head was big and ugly from me? That almost broke my heart!
I am the one person in this world who is supposed to make her feel beautiful all the time. I am the one person who is supposed to help her feel good about herself, inside and out, so that she can go out into this mean world with confidence knowing that she is beautiful because her mommy has told her so.
I don't ever want her to think she is ugly. I know there are many days when she will...it's all a part of growing up. But I want her to always know that Mommy believes she is absolutely gorgeous...because to me she is the most gorgeous girl that God ever put on this earth! And one of the luckiest too, because in addition to being gorgeous, God gave her a really big brain that he is covering with a really big beautiful head!
8 comments:
I am sorry. I know how you feel. But I also know you make her feel good about herself all the time. You are always telling her how pretty and special she is. She probably just wanted your reassurance. Chey tells me sometimes she is not pretty and I know I have never said that. They are just little people wanting to hear something good from their mommies.Sometimes we all need to hear something good about ourselves at a particular moment.
You did not scar her,she will be fine and self confident.
This post hit home. It's so hard when we realize that we have inadvertently given our children a wrong, negative impression of something about themselves.
I'm sure you were able to reassure her that her head is beautiful the way it is, but I agree that we have to be careful saying things casually, meaning no harm. I know I do it all the time - I used to talk about how my youngest is so hyper (he has ADHD) all the time, until I heard *him* going around saying he's hyper. Not good.
But live and learn, right??
Great blog! Heidi
What a great reminder to watch what I say in front of my daughter!
What a great post and so true about watching what we say in front of our children, I've had to deal with that myself and it makes me feel horrible at times.
But we all do our best :)
Have a great day,
Sandra
Great post Beth!
I struggle with trying not to label my daughter inadvertantly. she is shy, and when she hides from people I have to bite my tongue from saying, "oh she is just shy!" I am not always successful, and when we went to see Santa....she told me, "but mom...I'm shy!"
Being a parent can be so hard.
Sarah is such a blest little girl to have you as a Mom. She will know that she is beautiful. I wish someone would have told me that when I was little! I guess I was a senior in high school when I found out I was somewhat attractive! Oh boo, hoo!!
Thanks for being a wonderful Mom to my grandbabes!
And you should tell her exactly what you said in the last paragraph. I think it's true big brains take big heads and big can be beautiful, too.
It sure isn't easy being a mom, huh?
Oh I'm right there feeling this with you--I can just imagine one of my own children saying something similar. Isn't it hard to hear things the way your children hear them?
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