Friday, November 30, 2007

I'll just have to leave it to my writing....

For about three weeks or so, I used this picture in my header. But I finally had to take it down.

I would like to tell you I took it down because it was too big and too in your face and just too busy at the top of the page. And that's part of the reason but that's not the real reason. The real reason I took it down is because it was a lie and I don't want to misrepresent myself to you.

Let's examine the picture in detail and you will soon see what I'm talking about. Let's begin with the phone.

I rarely ever talk on the phone with anyone other than my mom. Mom and I usually talk first thing in the morning for about 5 minutes and then that's it for me and the phone unless some unsuspecting someone might happen to call.

When my kids see the phone attached to my ear they start to emit a loud high pitched whine that doesn't stop until I remove the phone from my ear. Even if I am trying to hide in another room while I'm on the phone, they will start this whine. It's like they have a super power that makes their skin tingle as soon as I touch the receiver. So talking on the phone is out for me. And a red phone? Not even sure they make red phones.

The second thing about this picture that would make it unreasonable for me to use as a representation of myself is the fact that this mom has pets. And not one pet but TWO! We have no pets in our house and the main reason is because of me. I have zero desire to feed, bathe, clean up after, and provide general upkeep for two more creatures...especially creatures that require boarding when we go on vacation! My poor kids are begging me for a pet...begging me...but I am standing firm on this one! No pets in this house...yet, anyway...I may be talked into a goldfish...someday.

The next detail that doesn't go unnoticed in this picture is the fact that this woman is breastfeeding. That right there should be a big clue to anyone that knows me that this picture is not supposed to be me. I breastfed my kids for a total of two seconds. Well, o.k. It was longer than that.

I breastfeed Peter for two miserable months. I had a C-section and I had to pump to get my milk to come in and when it finally did, it was mostly fore milk according to the lactation consultant that we consulted TWICE. At a cost of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. Each time.

I finally gave up, gave my son a bottle, he finally seemed full and I finally stopped crying. Enough about my breastfeeding failures...that's another post for another day. Let's just move on...

That brings me right to the number one reason the poor lady in this picture will never accurately represent me...She is...IRONING!

gasp

I will do a lot of things for my family but I ain't ironing! That's why we have a clothes dryer. It's not just for drying but also for wrinkle removing. Most clothes can be hung up right out of the dryer and look practically wrinkle free! I mean you are going to be hanging them up anyway so you might as well hang them while they are warm and avoid the dreaded iron. And if you happen to own a pesky item that's 100% cotton that really requires some wrinkle removing assistance, then do what I do and take it to the dry cleaners.

When my husband saw this picture on my header he started to give me a hard time. She's IRONING. You never IRON. Look! She's IRONING while BREASTFEEDING. You didn't really breastfeed and you certainly don't IRON.

O.k., o.k. I get it. So my husband was giving me a hard time and I was starting to feel guilty anyway. I mean, I don't want you guys to think I'm breastfeeding while ironing and talking on the phone all day long so I took it down.

I guess I was looking for a blog header that summed up in one picture the busyness and craziness of "A Mom's Life". I couldn't find a picture that accurately portrayed this mom's life so I guess I'm going to have to leave that to my writing.

10 comments:

jennwa said...

I do not think they have a picture of a woman sitting around with her friend (me) eating ranch dressing.
Just kidding you know I love ya !!

Beth said...

Trust me! I looked long and hard for a picture of several women sitting around eating ranch dressing and talking but there were none to be found!

I guess Honey is going to have to design one for us!

Grandma T said...

Thank goodness you took that picture down!! I get tired every time I open your blog!! And now, could we bump the 5 minutes phone time up to 6?!!

Grandma T.

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

Your writing does a fine job of conveying your hectic life! And the best parts of your life! Plus, that lady? She has black lipstick on one lip and red on another. You wouldn't be caught dead like that! What was she thinkin'?

Beth said...

I was going to comment on the lipstick but half the time I don't have any on so I figure she's doing better than me with one red lip!

Pam said...

My kids have that same "phone radar." I urge people to just email me. After all, I check it about 50 times a day!

Corey~living and loving said...

Great post. I hope you find a header that you can relate to alittle more...but if not, your writing certainly tells the story.

O said...

Hey Beth! Thanks for visiting my blog. My "project bag" containers really are bags! I am addicted to tote bags like you are addicted to ranch dip, apparently. In the picture of the new filing area, you can see one Rubbermaid (or similar) file box with a blue lid...I use that for my Mothers & More stuff, which takes up the most space. The other bags are stacked in the file drawer. One side that could have the hanging files has none, and I just lay the bags on their sides in there.
Good luck--for these projects (alumni interviewing, Mothers and More meetings, and helpline counseling) I find it's really easy to keep essentials in a bag (sign in sheets, clipboard, pens, whatever) and just be ready to grab and go.
Good luck to you! I'm glad you stopped by--your blog is fun! (And I couldn't even tell you where my ironing board is, so I'm right here with you!)

Rick said...

Just happen to pop in. I don't normally like to push myself, BUT for just a few dollars I could create an accurate illustration for you.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

Michelle said...

OMG, that was the funniest thing I have read since I joined the "mommy blogs".

I was like you, the pain involved with breast milk coming in (such a forgone memory since my girls are 13 and 9) was just not me. IT HURTS! AND YOU WANT ME TO ENDURE THAT? HELL NO!

I also don't iron. If it is not wash and wear, foggeddaboutit!

I also hate the phone. It seems the kids do have radar, but it's about someone getting attention other than them. They have learned not only to interrupt, but that the caller can HEAR THEM! ugh (more time to show off their talents or fight)

It was nice to find you and laugh at what seems ridiculous to those who were not blessed with children.

Thanks