For about three weeks or so, I used this picture in my header. But I finally had to take it down.
I would like to tell you I took it down because it was too big and too in your face and just too busy at the top of the page. And that's part of the reason but that's not the real reason. The real reason I took it down is because it was a lie and I don't want to misrepresent myself to you.
Let's examine the picture in detail and you will soon see what I'm talking about. Let's begin with the phone.
I rarely ever talk on the phone with anyone other than my mom. Mom and I usually talk first thing in the morning for about 5 minutes and then that's it for me and the phone unless some unsuspecting someone might happen to call.
When my kids see the phone attached to my ear they start to emit a loud high pitched whine that doesn't stop until I remove the phone from my ear. Even if I am trying to hide in another room while I'm on the phone, they will start this whine. It's like they have a super power that makes their skin tingle as soon as I touch the receiver. So talking on the phone is out for me. And a red phone? Not even sure they make red phones.
The second thing about this picture that would make it unreasonable for me to use as a representation of myself is the fact that this mom has pets. And not one pet but TWO! We have no pets in our house and the main reason is because of me. I have zero desire to feed, bathe, clean up after, and provide general upkeep for two more creatures...especially creatures that require boarding when we go on vacation! My poor kids are begging me for a pet...begging me...but I am standing firm on this one! No pets in this house...yet, anyway...I may be talked into a goldfish...someday.
The next detail that doesn't go unnoticed in this picture is the fact that this woman is breastfeeding. That right there should be a big clue to anyone that knows me that this picture is not supposed to be me. I breastfed my kids for a total of two seconds. Well, o.k. It was longer than that.
I breastfeed Peter for two miserable months. I had a C-section and I had to pump to get my milk to come in and when it finally did, it was mostly fore milk according to the lactation consultant that we consulted TWICE. At a cost of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. Each time.
I finally gave up, gave my son a bottle, he finally seemed full and I finally stopped crying. Enough about my breastfeeding failures...that's another post for another day. Let's just move on...
That brings me right to the number one reason the poor lady in this picture will never accurately represent me...She is...IRONING!
I will do a lot of things for my family but I ain't ironing! That's why we have a clothes dryer. It's not just for drying but also for wrinkle removing. Most clothes can be hung up right out of the dryer and look practically wrinkle free! I mean you are going to be hanging them up anyway so you might as well hang them while they are warm and avoid the dreaded iron. And if you happen to own a pesky item that's 100% cotton that really requires some wrinkle removing assistance, then do what I do and take it to the dry cleaners.
When my husband saw this picture on my header he started to give me a hard time. She's IRONING. You never IRON. Look! She's IRONING while BREASTFEEDING. You didn't really breastfeed and you certainly don't IRON.
O.k., o.k. I get it. So my husband was giving me a hard time and I was starting to feel guilty anyway. I mean, I don't want you guys to think I'm breastfeeding while ironing and talking on the phone all day long so I took it down.
I guess I was looking for a blog header that summed up in one picture the busyness and craziness of "A Mom's Life". I couldn't find a picture that accurately portrayed this mom's life so I guess I'm going to have to leave that to my writing.