I have a problem.

I am an addict and I am ready to admit that I have a problem.

Many of you are probably already aware of Confessions of a Pioneer Woman. If you have never been there, you should visit. It is a wonderful blog and I highly recommend it. She has hundreds of commenters a day from which I can only conclude that she has thousands of readers.

She also has another blog, The Pioneer Woman Cooks. This blog too, is wonderful. She posts pictures of each step of each recipe. And her pictures of the food are gorgeous. At times, I find myself wanting to lick my computer screen. I said I had a problem but believe it or not, that isn't it.

The Pioneer Woman has a recipe for Buffalo Wings which I have never actually made but I will. Some day. I can actually taste these wings when I look at the pictures. But alas, I am very lazy and the thought of getting out the frying pan, and heating up a bunch of oil just seems like soooooo much work to me. (I am now kicking myself for selling my Fry Daddy at a yard sale. And I'm sure if my husband is reading this he is thinking I told you so, I told you so, nah, nah, nah, boo, boo! )

While I was salivating over her wings, I saw her recipe for ranch wing dip. Ahhh, now this is a recipe for me...no frying involved....just a little bit of mixing. That's something I can handle. And handle I did! Let's just say that after a mere two weeks, I am now on my fourth batch of this ranch dip.

I love ranch dressing. I'm not exactly sure when I first had it. The dressings I remember from my childhood are Thousand Island, Green Goddess, Roquefort and Miracle Whip...yes, we actually used Miracle Whip as a salad dressing...I shudder at the mere thought of that now. Once I had ranch dressing I never looked back. Every now and then I will try some newfangled fancy dressing but I always go back to ranch. Always. So I decided that if I was too lazy to make the Pioneer Woman's Buffalo Wings I could at least make her ranch dip.

And make it I did! I started out dipping broccoli. Delicious. And then carrot sticks. Delicious, too. This dip made raw vegetables taste delectable. And I even felt good about myself, because after all, I was dipping vegetables.

Then one night, while watching TV, this dip called to me from the refrigerator. At the same time some tortilla chips called to me from the pantry.

Rescue us. We need to be together. Save us. You neeeeeeed us. Help........

I paused The Office, threw down the remote control, jumped off the couch and ran to them. I had to free them from their prisons. They deserved to be together. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

After I had rescued them, I situated myself back on the couch with the bag of chips in one hand and the bowl of dip in the other and began dipping and eating and dipping and eating and I have not stopped. Why had I been wasting this wonderful dip on vegetables? I wouldn't be making that mistake again.

Four batches of dip and many bags of tortilla chips later, I am wondering why my jeans are too tight and why my muffin top is even fluffier than normal. And is that back fat hanging over my bra? It must be all the dip and chips. Sigh.

They say the first step to beating an addiction is admitting you have a problem. So, I am here today, admitting to the world that I a problem.

Hello. My name is Beth. I am a ranchoholic.

Works For Me Wednesday - Help! My Tile Floors Are Dirty and I Can't Clean Them Up!

Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer is hosting a BACKWARDS Works For Me Wednesday today. Normally you would post an idea about something that has worked for you that might be helpful for others. I think I did the Internet a mighty fine service when I posted this little helpful hint.

Today, however, we are doing things a little differently. Shannon wants people to post dilemmas in the hopes that others might provide helpful answers. So, without further ado...

I want to know the best way to clean tile floors.

We have beautiful tile floors in our kitchen and breakfast area. I decided to go with tile instead of hardwood in our new house because if dropping forks, plates, cups, and bowls were an Olympic sport my kids would have shelves full of gold! I have had hardwood in the kitchen in our old house and as beautiful as they were I could not keep them clean.

Overall,for everyday maintenance the tiles are very easy to clean. If one of the kids spills something...no problem. I can clean it up with a sponge and that's it. Problem solved. Then I can move on to something more exciting. Like the laundry. Or cooking dinner.

I need help with my major weekly cleaning. Currently, I vacuum the tile and then I use a Swiffer with one of those wet pads. Unfortunately, the Swiffer doesn't seem to get the stickier stains off the floor and I end up on my hands and knees with one of the Swiffer wet pads cleaning the floor. Had I known I would be doing this I probably would have just gone with the hardwood floor.

Help! If anyone has tiles in their kitchen and has an easier, more effective way of getting them squeaky clean, please let me know What Works for You. It is Wednesday after all!

Opinions welcomed!

I need your opinion. My husband told me that the look of my blog was boring and why couldn't I make it spiffier looking. I sort of liked the plain clean lines. Plus, there aren't many templates to choose from on Blogger.

As you can see, I have been messing around with the colors and went from white and purple to pale yellow and camouflage green. I don't think I will be able to look at these colors for long...not sure why but even though they are muted I find them annoying to look at and very bland, which sort of defeats the purpose of the change.

What do you guys think? And I would like everyone to comment on this. I know (I hope) I have more readers than just Jennifer, Pam and Megan so come on people...help a design-challenged, color-uncoordinated sister out!

Ahoy there matey!

My son's fifth birthday is in a couple of weeks! Even though he will be turning five this will be his first birthday party with friends. So far, every year we have celebrated with whatever set of grandparents and aunts and uncles were available. I would cook a nice dinner and we would have cake, ice cream and of course, presents. Peter and Sarah always had a great time and never once asked for a party with friends.

My husband isn't big on celebrating birthdays...he thinks it's a waste of money and that it should be treated just like any other day. (That might be true for a 41 year old male who doesn't like to spend money but not so true for a 5 year old.) And I always felt like the kids should ask for a party with friends before we went to all that trouble. Well, several weeks ago Peter asked, "When do I get to have all of my friends over for a birthday party?" The mere question made my knees tremble and perspiration break out over my brow.

The thought of having a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds over for a party made me weak. And I'm not exactly sure, but I think this would also mean their parents would be coming as well since most people aren't comfortable dropping their four year old off somewhere with someone they didn't know really well. That's too many people for my house (and my wallet!) so I started thinking about other options. I went through them all in my head...

our house - too small for lots of kids and parents

the local inflatable place - too expensive

the skating rink - too expensive and Peter doesn't know how to skate

the park - November could potentially be too cold


After deciding against all of those options I went with a sleepover. I told Peter he could have his two best friends over to spend the night and he was thrilled! I did have to reiterate that this would be the actual party so that he wouldn't be expecting a big bash later with lots of kids and lots of presents. I think I got that through to him and he is still very excited! He just had his very first sleepover at his friend Colton's house. It was Colton's brother's birthday sleepover and my friend Jennifer, who is a crazy woman (she even named her blog that!) decided that all of her children should have kids sleeping over! Peter was so excited by that sleepover that I knew his own sleepover would be good enough.

So we are set for a sleepover and we are doing a pirate theme. Peter is fresh from Halloween as a pirate so he is excited about that. I am making a pirate ship cake (there may or may not be pictures of that later depending on how well it turns out!) and Dan and I will be doing a treasure hunt for the boys. I decided since I was only having two kids over I should at least try to get creative with the invitations. So, I made them look like old messages in bottles.

Here is the actual invitation....

I tried to age it by soaking it in tea and then burning the edges. I think it turned out pretty cool. Then we rolled it up and put it in a root beer bottle filled with sand to make it look like it has washed up on the shore. Here is my son pretending to be an evil pirate while holding the bottles. If only I had the invitations completed in time to take the pictures while he was wearing his Halloween costume he might actually look like a spooky pirate instead of a crazed four year old!

I think the invitations are cute and I hope the little boys that receive them will like them. Although, knowing kids they won't care and will just end up spilling the sand all over their bedrooms.

Sorry Page. Sorry Jennifer. I hope you will let your boys come to the party anyway!

I am loved.

Most weekday mornings start the same for us. At 7:15 am my husband and I go upstairs to get the kids out of bed. At 7:19 am he goes to work and the whining, moaning and yelling begins...and those are just the sounds coming out of me.

I have one hour from the time we get the kids out of bed until we need to be in the car heading for preschool. That hour is spent with a lot of conversations that go like this:

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

Silence

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

Silence

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

Silence

Me: What do you want for breakfast?

Her: I want toast with jelly.

Him: I want oatmeal.

Me: Mutter, mutter, grumble, grumble. O.k. here you go! I hope you enjoy!

Him: I changed my mind! I want cereal!

Her: I don't want this! I want a pancake!

After the breakfast scramble, the process of getting dressed begins. It is a mixture of me threatening, demanding and struggling. Usually it is a pretty quick process but I am always left wondering WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO WHAT I ASK THE VERY FIRST TIME?! And then I remember that I am dealing with a three and four (almost five!) year old. Although, this shouldn't be an excuse because WE GO THROUGH THIS SAME ROUTINE EVERY MORNING! Even a dog or one of those cute little lab rats would have this process down pat by now.

Then we get in the car and head to preschool. We usually listen to "their songs" because that's what keeps them calm and I am all about some peace and quiet after the previous hour of unpeace and unquiet. After exactly 9 minutes in the care we pull into the preschool for drop-off. Our preschool has drop-off and pick-up and I think this is a wonderful feature. I can pull under a covered shelter, the director will get them out of the car and I can wave and blow kisses as I am driving away. At least that's how it was described in the preschool brochure.

My kids however, have something a little different in mind. The director will open the car door and give them a cheery hello and my kids, who previously would not shut up, quickly become mute. Is it my imagination or are they even starting to drool a little. I often wonder if the director thinks my kids might be a little "slow". Then they start hanging on me. Keep in mind, I am in the front seat and they are in the back. By this point I am starting to sweat a little. Um, make that sweat more because I am usually sweating before now from the previous hour of fun.

Then the rounds of "I love you, Mommy!" and "I'll miss you, Mommy!" interspersed with lots of hugs and kisses (all given over the back seat, of course) commence. This goes on for what feels like an eternity. It is usually at this point that I check out my rear view mirror to confirm that the drop off line is starting to back up. The beads of sweat pop out on my forehead as I am imagining all the choice words the other parents have for me. Why can't my kids just hop out of the car and give me a quick wave like all the other kids do? Why?

Yesterday as we were going through our little routine, the director looked at me and smiled and said, "I guess you know you are loved."

This statement made me pause. Had I been walking, I think I would have literally stopped in my tracks. All the craziness of getting them ready for school each morning doesn't leave much time for hugs and kisses and all of my yelling and cajoling and all of their stubbornness doesn't make for many warm fuzzy moments between mother and child. But for the rest of the morning her words echoed in my head and I thought, Yes. I know I am loved.

I hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween. We had a great day here! The kids had parties at their schools and came home wired on sugar and ready to Trick-or-Treat. We had some neighbors over for a play date and that helped burn off some of their energy.

Before we headed out to Trick-or-Treat I made these cute little mummy pizzas for dinner. The kids scarfed them up. I was quite impressed with myself and feel at least I am attempting to keep up with my fun mom friend Jennifer. (Check out her site, she's already doing cool things for Thanksgiving. No wonder, once again last night, my son asked to live at her house.)

I got the kids dressed in the costumes and here is what they looked like:

I was very excited this year. Sarah went as a beautiful ballerina. The cost of her costume for me was...nothing! My mom got her the darling little ballerina tutu dress as a dress-up item for her birthday in June.

Peter's costume cost us a total of $6. The shirt, t-shirt and sweat pants were items we already had or were recently purchased and will be used as regular clothing many times. I got the hat, the eye patch, the ear ring (which he wouldn't wear), the sword, and the vest at the dollar store.

I also got three red bandannas with cool skulls on them from Wal-Mart...they weren't even in the Halloween section...they were in with the ladies belts and scarves. I swear you can get anything at Wal-Mart. Total for all the items for his costume was only $6! I was so excited! This is the first year that I haven't gone overboard and spent hours and hours pouring over websites trying to find just the right costume and spending way too much money! Dave Ramsey would be so proud!

Here are all the neighbors and friends we Trick-or-Treated with last night. We had a great time cruising the neighborhood for candy with them!

Happy Halloween!!

Go forth and get candy kids. And make sure you bring Mommy all the Kit Kats and Almond Joys.

I'll be sure to post lots of cute pictures of the Kiddley Beans* tomorrow. I know everyone loves pictures of other people's kids in their Halloween costumes so we'll see you back here tomorrow!

*No, my kids aren't dressing up as some sort of legume tonight. Kiddley Beans is the cute name that my husband call my kids. I can only hope that my spelling of it is correct. If it is not, I'm sure my husband will let me know.

Woking hard to be the fun one.

A couple of weekends ago we took the kids to see Boone’s Cave Park. I was a little hesitant at first because my friend Jennifer told me that we would need flashlights.

Ugh! The last thing I wanted to do was crawl around in a dark creepy cave. However, I could tell my husband really wanted to go. It was a beautiful fall Sunday afternoon and we didn’t have anything else that we absolutely had to do so I said, “Why not. Let’s go.”

My friend Jennifer is "the fun mom" (my son has already asked me why he can’t go live with them) and my husband often tells me that I’m too serious.

I am. I can’t help it.

In college, my friends used to call me The Voice of Reason. Oddly enough I was never offended by this nickname. I was quite proud of it! I like to think being The Voice of Reason kept us out of trouble but I’m sure my friends would say it kept us out of fun.

So, this one time I decided I wasn’t going to keep us from doing something fun. We put on our old jeans and sneakers and grabbed our flashlights. The park is less than 30 minutes from our house so we were there in no time. We parked and headed down the trail towards the cave.

Apparently Daniel Boone’s family moved to the banks of the Yadkin River in 1750. Legend has it that Daniel Boone used to hide from the Indians in the very cave that we were going to explore. I have to say that the thought of being in a cave that Daniel Boone was in was pretty exciting even to a boring old no-fun mommy like me. Although the serious practical side of me wondered how it could be possible that over 250 years later anyone would know if this was the exact cave or not.

We took the trail (which was a set of wooden steps that had been built going down the side of a large rock outcropping) and made it to the entrance of the cave. We had to stoop down to get into the cave. I’m not sure what I was expecting…maybe the Luray Caverns which I had visited before and was quite impressed by. I can assure you, this was no Luray Caverns but it was free and it was just the right size for a three and 4 year old.

My husband and the kids crawled into the cave and started going further in. I however stopped crawling because I could feel my chest tighten as thoughts of getting stuck in the cave crowded into my head.

I couldn’t do it. I didn’t go in.

It had nothing to do with the fact that it was dark, wet and dirty but everything to do with the fact that I have a touch of the claustrophobia. Sometimes I can’t even sit in the third row of my parent’s mini-van without feeling like a caged animal.

My kids didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t going in and followed my husband into the cave about 100 feet until the opening was too small and they couldn’t continue any further. They turned around and came back happy as clams. The knees of their jeans were dirty and they were gabbing happily about the cave and how dark and spooky it was. I think they were disappointed that they didn’t see any bats. I was just really glad we took flashlights. All fun mommies know that you should always take a flashlight when you are going to explore a cave!

After the cave, we let the kids play for a little bit at the edge of the river. Then we decided to take a hike on one of the trails. The sign at the beginning of the trail said simply “Cottonwood Tree”. We walked about 20 minutes until we came to a giant Cottonwood tree. We “ohhhed” and “ahhhed” and turned around and headed back up the trail. It was only when we returned home and I did some research on the Internet that I discovered the tree at over 160 feet tall is the tallest Eastern Cottonwood tree in our state.

All in all it was quite a nice afternoon. The kids got to play in a dark and spooky cave and we all got some exercise. And I wasn’t the stick in the mud that I normally am! Maybe, just maybe, if I keep working at it, one of these days I will be “the fun mommy”.

I want my personality to be sparkling, not my shirt.

The other day as I was getting the kids ready for school Peter asked, “Why did you Bedazzle your shirt?”

Bedazzle my shirt? What the heck is he talking about?

I looked down and noticed that the shirt I was wearing had some teeny tiny little gold sparkles in a small circular pattern on the front. I have worn this shirt for two years now and Peter has never mentioned the little crystals before. He possesses the observational powers of his father. “What?? Your hair has been 2 shades darker for how long now?”

Peter and Sarah have been aware of the Bedazzler for several months now – ever since they started watching the Magic School Bus. Prior to the Magic School Bus, all the shows they have watched have been on Noggin or PBS so I have never had to deal with pesky commercials. However, now that they are going through a Magic School Bus phase I keep hearing things like,

“Mom! You need a Quiktop to prevent spills and keep your drink fresh!”

or

“Mom! We need an inflatable Ready Bed because it is ready when you are and is perfect for sleepovers”

or

“Mom! We need Aqua Dots. It's fun for us and there’s no messy clean up for you!”

As surprised as I was that they were airing a Bedazzler commercial during The Magic School Bus, I was even more surprised to see Tana from the Apprentice hawking it. If you will remember, she was the runner up on season three. What? You don’t remember her? Then you must not love reality TV as much as you think you do.

Part of the reason she didn’t win the Apprentice (aside from the fact that she turned into a complete bee-yatch in the last episode) was that in one of the tasks she spent many hours searching Manhattan for a Bedazzler to “spiff up” some t-shirts they were trying to sell. I’ve put "spiff up" in quotes because is anything that is Bedazzled really and truly "spiffed up"? I think not.

Long story short, it annoyed Donald Trump that she wasted time on something so stupid and I have to say I agree. I’ve mentioned my wardrobe previously and my lack of expertise in that area but even as horrible as it is even I know that no one in New York City wants anything bedazzled. Heck, most people around here don’t even want anything bedazzled so it really annoyed me when my son – my own flesh and blood – accused me of wearing a shirt that had been Bedazzled.

I decided that I was going to take a picture of the shirt to let you guys decide if I need to rethink wearing this shirt. But I soon discovered it is very hard to take a flattering picture of yourself.

Now, let me just say that it has taken me a lot of courage to post this picture. First of all, I hate, hate, HATE almost any picture that has ever been taken of me. Even if most people say it is a nice picture I will find something wrong with it. I get this annoying trait from my mother. This drives my father crazy about my mother and now it is driving my husband crazy about me. But they vowed to love us for better or for worse so I’m not too worried.

So now that you guys know that I hate almost any picture of me, you know that I must abhor this picture and I do! The width and depth of the nostrils alone are going to give me cold sweats tonight when I realize that I have posted the picture on the Internet for the world to see. And the wrinkles around my eyes look really deep in this picture…much deeper than the seem to me when I am staring at them in the mirror while pondering whether or not my anti-aging cream is working. I’m pretty sure based on this picture it is not.

The thing that really and truly annoys me the most about this picture is the massive amount of flesh where I used to have arm muscles. When I look at this picture I am reminded of my dear sweet Grandma Lois. I knew I always took after my Dad’s side of the family and now I have the arm dangle to prove it.

But the whole reason I posted this picture was to show you that, contrary to the popular opinion of a certain almost five year old boy, my shirt was not Bedazzled. Do you agree?