Friday, October 26, 2007

I want my personality to be sparkling, not my shirt.

The other day as I was getting the kids ready for school Peter asked, “Why did you Bedazzle your shirt?”

Bedazzle my shirt? What the heck is he talking about?

I looked down and noticed that the shirt I was wearing had some teeny tiny little gold sparkles in a small circular pattern on the front. I have worn this shirt for two years now and Peter has never mentioned the little crystals before. He possesses the observational powers of his father. “What?? Your hair has been 2 shades darker for how long now?”

Peter and Sarah have been aware of the Bedazzler for several months now – ever since they started watching the Magic School Bus. Prior to the Magic School Bus, all the shows they have watched have been on Noggin or PBS so I have never had to deal with pesky commercials. However, now that they are going through a Magic School Bus phase I keep hearing things like,
“Mom! You need a Quiktop to prevent spills and keep your drink fresh!”
“Mom! We need an inflatable Ready Bed because it is ready when you are and is perfect for sleepovers”
“Mom! We need Aqua Dots. It's fun for us and there’s no messy clean up for you!”

As surprised as I was that they were airing a Bedazzler commercial during The Magic School Bus, I was even more surprised to see Tana from the Apprentice hawking it. If you will remember, she was the runner up on season three. What? You don’t remember her? Then you must not love reality TV as much as you think you do.

Part of the reason she didn’t win the Apprentice (aside from the fact that she turned into a complete bee-yatch in the last episode) was that in one of the tasks she spent many hours searching Manhattan for a Bedazzler to “spiff up” some t-shirts they were trying to sell. I’ve put "spiff up" in quotes because is anything that is Bedazzled really and truly "spiffed up"? I think not.

Long story short, it annoyed Donald Trump that she wasted time on something so stupid and I have to say I agree. I’ve mentioned my wardrobe previously and my lack of expertise in that area but even as horrible as it is even I know that no one in New York City wants anything bedazzled. Heck, most people around here don’t even want anything bedazzled so it really annoyed me when my son – my own flesh and blood – accused me of wearing a shirt that had been Bedazzled.

I decided that I was going to take a picture of the shirt to let you guys decide if I need to rethink wearing this shirt. But I soon discovered it is very hard to take a flattering picture of yourself.

Now, let me just say that it has taken me a lot of courage to post this picture. First of all, I hate, hate, HATE almost any picture that has ever been taken of me. Even if most people say it is a nice picture I will find something wrong with it. I get this annoying trait from my mother. This drives my father crazy about my mother and now it is driving my husband crazy about me. But they vowed to love us for better or for worse so I’m not too worried.

So now that you guys know that I hate almost any picture of me, you know that I must abhor this picture and I do! The width and depth of the nostrils alone are going to give me cold sweats tonight when I realize that I have posted the picture on the Internet for the world to see. And the wrinkles around my eyes look really deep in this picture…much deeper than the seem to me when I am staring at them in the mirror while pondering whether or not my anti-aging cream is working. I’m pretty sure based on this picture it is not.

The thing that really and truly annoys me the most about this picture is the massive amount of flesh where I used to have arm muscles. When I look at this picture I am reminded of my dear sweet Grandma Lois. I knew I always took after my Dad’s side of the family and now I have the arm dangle to prove it.

But the whole reason I posted this picture was to show you that, contrary to the popular opinion of a certain almost five year old boy, my shirt was not Bedazzled. Do you agree?


Megan (FriedOkra) said...

No, it doesn't. Not to me. And, the reason your arms look like Aunt Lois's is because they're projecting forward into the camera's view. I get the whole not liking yourself in photos thing. I've had to overcome it for the blog, but still, even in my profile pic I have on a hat and glasses! :)

jennwa said...

I like that shirt on you.Besides,he is four and likes to wear pirate and skeleton shirts, so do not take it too personally. Not yet, anyway.
Second, I knew you were going to mention your nostrils, that just made me laugh.
I too ,ate all pictures of myself. It must be a woman thing. My question is,why when I look at pictures of others,the picture looks just like them, but when I look at a picture of myself I always say,"That doesn't look like me." What does the camera do to me ?

Honey said...

I remember wondering if you had bedazzled that shirt...Nah! I'm kiding! that is a very cute shirt and looks great on you :) I do think is funny that Peter would ask that, I know it had to be the last thing you expected. By the way, I always hate myself in pictures and I think Jennifer is right, it must be a woman thing!

Pam said...

That shirt looks fine to me, but then again, perhaps you shouldn't take advise from someone who wears lime green pants! At least it isn't black or white!