Mea Culpe

Sarah doesn't read my blog but she found out that I mentioned she wanted to join a gym and she wasn't very happy with me. 

She's been spending a lot of time learning how to French braid her own hair and was practicing on me and snapped this picture.

She then informed me that I should post it on my blog as a way to make it up to her that I told the world she wanted to join a gym.

So.....

She's improved a lot since this picture was taken and if she keeps practicing, it won't be long until she's able to do a really good French braid. 

What's it all for?

Right after Rebecca died, I spent some time trying to figure out why.  I wanted our suffering and her suffering to mean something.  I wanted to know what it was all for.  I spent some time thinking about it and praying about it and nothing seemed like a good enough reason so I was just left to trust God, to trust that he would use it for good.

I wrote about it briefly here but I have continued to ponder it. 

As we approach the anniversary of Rebecca's birth and death, my feelings of trusting the grander purpose are decreasing and my feelings of just wanting to know why are increasing.

I want it spelled out to me clearly.  I want it all to make sense.  If she had to die, I want a damn good reason!

This morning as I headed out for my run, I looked to the east.  The sky was covered in clouds but just at the horizon I could see beautiful colors peaking out from the darkness.

There's a beautiful sunrise under there, I thought.

I started to run and the sun started to rise.  The clouds were still there but the sun was beaming through them and  magnificent color was bursting forth. 

Vibrant oranges.  Brilliant pinks.  This sunrise was made all the more beautiful because of the clouds in the sky.

I looked to the south and caught my breath. There was a half rainbow right in front of me!  The pink and orange from the sky were reflecting beautifully in this bow.  I thanked God for the rainbow and then thought to myself, that rainbow is beautiful but wouldn't it be even better if it were full.

I headed back towards the east to the end of the cul-de-sac admiring the beautiful sunrise and thanking God for it all.  And as I rounded the cul-de-sac and headed west, I could still see the rainbow.

But this time, I could see it all.  The clouds had briefly shifted, the direction I was running had changed and I could see the whole rainbow. 

God was letting me see the whole rainbow!

And right then it hit me.  I've been struggling with the purpose of Rebecca's life and death and questioning God and stomping my feet like a bratty child and demanding answers.

Where had my trust gone?  Where was my faith?  

And then he showed me a half rainbow and it wasn't good enough so I stomped my feet and wanted more.

Why are his gifts never good enough?  Why am I always wanting more?

But because he loves me he showed me the full rainbow that had been there all along but had been covered with clouds, clouds that were making the sunrise radiant even while they were obscuring the rainbow.

And at that moment I felt great peace.  God was telling me in that rainbow that the purpose, the meaning, the reason for Rebecca and her life and our suffering are there and they will be revealed in His time.

After my run, I opened up my copy of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and flipped to April 10th, Rebecca's birthday, and I read these words:

"Trust Me in every detail of your life. Nothing is random in My kingdom.  Everything that happens fits into a pattern for good, to those who love Me.  Instead of trying to analyze the intricacies of the pattern, focus your energy on trusting Me and thanking Me at all times.  Nothing is wasted when you walk close to Me."

As I closed the book, I could hear God telling me that it's okay.  Rebecca's life had a purpose and a meaning but it's not my job to figure out the whys and the what fors. However, it is my job to trust and believe.

I'm thankful this morning for the clouds and the rainbows and the well-timed words from an old book. But most of all, I'm thankful for a God that loves me even when I'm stomping my feet like a bratty child.  

 "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." -  Romans 8:28

#Babble

So, Peter wore his new "Jays" to school several times before one of his teachers informed him that high top sneakers weren't allowed per the uniform policy.

Um.  What?

#MomFail

I guess I should have thought to double check the uniform policy before making the purchase.  I knew of the no heels, no open toed shoes, no shoes with straps policy.  I also knew that the shoes must be brown, black, or navy.  But I failed to remember the part about no high tops.

Any chance Peter's feet will remain the exact same size until next basketball season?

I don't think so either.  ...sigh...

In other news, Peter and his group are working hard on their science project.  And when I say the group is working hard, I really mean the group of moms who are trying to coordinate 4 boys and their schedules are working hard.  But, I think after an abundance of emails and texts, we've finally got their next work session nailed down.

Seriously, I think they will spend less time working on the project this Friday afternoon than it took us to figure out a time to get them all together. 

But I'm not complaining (too loudly anyway) because the boys he's working with are all really great and their moms are too.

Although, next year, if doing the project solo is an option, I'm going to strongly recommend he take that route.  Cause you know what they say, "If mamma ain't happy..."

I've been working on our taxes.  Ugh.  Just one more project on my to do list.  I'm making good head way and should be done in a couple of days.  I think. I hope.

Sarah has been harassing me to get her a gym membership.  HA!  As if!

I told her that she doesn't need a gym membership because she has a big yard to run in,  a bike to ride on,  a trampoline to jump on, a basketball goal to practice on and a couple of flights of stairs to climb if necessary.

I tried to convince her that the main reason people go to a gym  is to use equipment that simulates the activities she can already do (running, biking, climbing, jumping) for free at home.  She's not buying it.

After I nixed the gym membership, she asked me to buy her a stationary bike or a treadmill.  Again, she didn't like the reasoning that she can run or bike without any bulky or expensive equipment.

The conversation ended with a lot of whining (her, not me for a change) and then her deciding to do a workout DVD. And then, she decided that "Jillian Michael's abs are probably painted on anyway so I'm NOT doing a workout DVD."

And with that, I'm all #babbled out!

I Love You to the Moon and Back!

The annual Father/Daughter Dance was held on Friday night.  The theme this year was "I Love You to the Moon and Back."

Sarah and I went shopping several weeks ago and found a dress she loved.  It's getting harder to find dresses that we can both agree on.  And typically it's because everything in her size is too childish for her taste.  She wants nothing to do with bows, or lace, or frills, or even flowers.

She did seem to be drawn to the long sequined gowns in the women's department.  I had to inform her that they didn't make those in a girl's size 12 and once she got over her disappointment she picked out about 10 dresses she deemed decent.

And the one she chose was the cheapest dress we looked at!  And she said she felt very professional wearing it.

That cracked me up because shedoes looks very professional wearing it. Like she's on her way to a business meeting and not a dance. But I think it's adorable on her and not a sequin in sight!

Because the dress was so inexpensive (it was the cheapest one she tried on AND it was on sale!), we headed to Charming Charlies where I told her she could get a necklace to match.  And what do you know?  The necklace she picked was on clearance and was so cheap that I even let her get some clearance bracelets as well.  She was just as excited about her $5 accessories as she was the new dress.

We curled her hair the night of the dance, got her in her dress and jewelry and off she went to the ball with her Daddy.

They had a great time and here are a few photos from the evening:

Don't you just love the moon?

Aren't they the sweetest things?

Insert white dress and tuxedo and I can envision them at Sarah's wedding....

Ready for her business meeting!

I'll title this one "Who tooted?" and leave it at that!

They had a great night at the dance and I got to spend the evening with this handsome fella:

7QT - The why not? It's Friday and it's been a while edition.

It's been a while and it's Friday so let's do 7 Quick Takes!

1.  Funny things the kids said recently:

Sarah and I were in the car listening to the radio and a commerical came on that said something along the lines of, "You know what brings people together?"  And then another voice said, "Tee-shirts!  That's right, tee-shirts.  Call blah blah blah company for all your screen printing and tee-shirt needs...."

And Sarah said, "Tee shirts don't bring people together mom!  It's cake!  Cake brings people together!"

And one night when I was making bacon, Peter loudly exclaimed, "Bacon is the one reason I could not be a vegetarian!"

So I say, let them eat cake AND bacon!

2.  And speaking of bacon - I've completely abandoned the Atkins Diet.  I was going gangbusters with it in the fall and then decided to take a bit of a break around Thanksgiving and start back up on January 1st.  But then life happened and well, I looked up and realized that it was Fabruary already and the Atkins Diet had been abandoned for a whole monthly longer than I planned.

So I got back on the wagon but I decided to be totally on the diet Monday through Friday and go off on the weekends.  And even as I was trying it, I knew it wouldn't work.  I know the science behind the diet and you have to be committed.  So I'd lose a couple of pounds during the week and then gain those same two pounds back on the weekend and then I'd lose them again and then I'd find them again.

Wash, rinse, repeat.  And that was February.

On Tuesday of this week, I decided that if I wasn't able to fully commit to the rules of Atkins then I needed to plan a different approach.  So, I'm back to low fat and running.

And it's just as well.  Sarah's Girl Scout Troop is doing the Color Run with the moms and she's excited.  It seems knowing that we are going to be running was just the boost I needed to dig out my running shoes and hit the pavement.

We'll give this a shot for the month of March and see if I can make any progress on those last 15 pounds of baby weight.  I had given myself a year to get them off, but it's going to take longer.

3.  Remember that cute mother-daughter selfie from yesterdays post?  Well, look how much cuter it looks with an Instagram filter:

Before Filter                                                                             After Filter

Wouldn't it be nice if we could always apply an Instagram filter to our faces?  Wrinkles, red spots, acne scars, be gone!

4.  Dan was helping both kids with their math homework the other night while I was washing the dinner dishes.  It was just so cute that I had to secretly snap a picture and of course, if a picture has been snapped it most be posted somewhere so straight to Facebook it went. 

This photo looks totally staged but I can assure you it's not.  Peter's stance cracks me up.  The way Sarah is looking intently at Peter's math book. The whole thing just makes me smile. 

And the fact that Dan was the one helping them with their math and not me really made me smile!

5.  Track practice started yesterday.  Of course it was pouring down rain so we had practice in the gym but the kids still got a good workout.  They were both complaining of being sore this morning!

6.  Yikes!  Looking at that picture of them doing math at the table makes me think I need to redo the art work and plates on the wall.  It's got a very 1980s vibe happening.  Pinterest would be very disapponted in me!

7.  And I'd like to give a big shout out to Madeline at A Dash of Snark.  She made three recipes she got from my blog in one weekend.  That's brave Madeline - real brave!  But she enjoyed them all.  Whew! 

And with that, I'm out.  Have a great week and don't forget to head to Kelly's for mo better takes.

I caved.

I finally did it.  I caved in.

Sarah had an appointment for a hair cut scheduled for yesterday and she spent several days pleading her case for bangs. I thought about it and I told her she could get them if she really wanted them. Even though this summer I said she had to wait until she was 12.

She washes,dries, and styles her own hair so I figured she should be able to choose her own style. And I warned her that it would take a very, very long time to grow out her bangs if she hated it.

She immediately hit up Pinterest and found pictures of side-swept bangs and printed them off so we could take when we went to visit Kelly, my hair stylist.

Here's my sweet girl before the hair appointment:

And here she is after with side-swept bangs and about 2 1/2 inches cut off:

She didn't like my snap so she decided a selfie was in order:

And because I can't resist a good mother-daughter selfie:

And there you have it.  I finally gave in.

She's thrilled with the result and so am I.  So I guess you call that a win-win.

However, she's already informed me that when she gets tired of the bangs, she's "found lots of  really cute ways on Pinterest to pin it back while it grows out". 

And I'm going to try to keep from saying "I told you so." 

What has been will be again....

Well, today's the big day!

Peter's "Jays" arrive.  Apparently that's what all the kids call Air Jordan's these days.  Or, at least, that's what Peter is calling them.

I hope he's not disappointed when they arrive.  I think they look ugly.  My brother even tried to convince Peter to get a less "clunky" looking shoe but he wouldn't budge on the "classic" Air Jordan. 

This is the one he finally ended up ordering:

Two days after Peter ordered these, Sarah informed me that she wanted a pair of Converse.

Converse???

Again, I ask, "What year is this?"

Apparently, Converse All Starts are back in style.  And not just for kids - I've seen them on a lot of fashion blogs for women as well in all different colors

So Sarah's new spring shoe won't be cute sandals like normal, she'll be wearing these:

Peter is going to be sporting old-fashioned clunky looking Air Jordan's.  Sarah is going to be sporting old-fashioned uni-sex Converse. 

And I'm left pondering Ecclesiastes 1:9: "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

Pretty sure  fashion was not what the author had in mind when he wrote that but it sure does ring true!

What's old is new again.

We woke up to this:

Beautiful isn't it?  

When I went to get the paper at 6:30 this morning, I took a good long look around and just soaked in the beauty.  Honestly, there is nothing more breathtaking than when everything is covered with fresh snow.  (Except maybe a sunny day at the beach, but I digress.)

Sarah has spent all morning playing with Cheyanne.  They went four wheeling and now they are sledding. 

Peter has been shoveling snow at church with my brother.  Brad takes care of the grounds at the church we grew up going to and even though it usually involves mowing and landscaping, sometimes it involves shoveling snow too.

Peter helps his uncle a lot at the church.  Sometimes its just for fun, but other times, like today, it's a paying gig.   Which is probably the main reason he excitedly hopped up from his computer game to go work.

Peter ,who normally doesn't care a thing about what he wears, has suddenly decided he wants a pair of Air Jordans.

It all started during basketball season when he got mad at me for not buying him Air Jordan basketball shoes.  He wears a man's size which means they are expensive and the price was just more than I was willing to spend. 

Unbeknownst to me, the pair of shoes I bought for his sister were Air Jordans.  However, in my defense, I bought them because they were pink (her only criteria) and they fit and they were the same price I paid for Peter's adult sized shoes.  And since it's not 1987, I didn't think anyone even cared about Air Jordans any longer.  I mean, how can something that was popular when I was in high school still be popular today?

It didn't take long for me to realize the error of my ways, when a boy from Sarah's class told me he wanted Sarah's shoes.  They're pink for Pete's sake!  I gave this kid a hard time about it and his response was, "But they're Air Jordans!!!!!!!!"

Whatever.

Peter has not let me forget that I got Sarah Air Jordans and just regular old Nike's for him. 

Yesterday as he was leaving for school, he mentioned that his shoes were too tight.  Sure enough. The toe was at the very end and there was absolutely no room.  I told him I would buy him some when I was out running errands that morning.  Apparently the days of him wearing whatever I buy are quickly fleeting because he immediately informed me that he needed to be there when such an important purchase was made.

When he got home from school, I had pulled up a bunch of Nikes on Kohl's website and told him to pick the ones he wanted. I had a coupon and they were all on sale. Let's get this done!

"But Mom, I really want a pair of Air Jordans," was his response.

He started googling and found these beauties:

So apparently it is 1987 or at least 1986 because the name of these shoes is "Air Jordan 1 Retro 86". 

And the price is a bargain at only $130! 

"But Mom!  The shipping is free," was Peter's response. 

I told him I would pay $50 and he could either get a pair of regular Nike's from Kohls with my coupon and the sale or he could pony up the difference and he could have these.

Still waiting on his response but I'm quite certain these are the main reason he went to shovel sidewalks with my brother this morning.

And speaking of my brother,  I wonder if there's an old pair of these Air Jordans somewhere up in the attic at my parents home.  Seems like he went through an Air Jordan phase himself back in the day.

Mississippi Roast - A Pinterest Gem

I found the best recipe on Pinterest.  I'm sure you've all seen it by now, but in case you some how missed this gem, here it is.

It's Mississippi Roast.  And boy is it ever deeeeee-lish!  And it's so easy.

Mississippi Roast

1 chuck roast (4-5lbs)
1 packet ranch dressing/dip mix
1 packet McCormick's Gravy Mix  (au jus)
1 stick butter
5-10 pepperoncini peppers

Mis the ranch packet and the gravy pack together.  Sprinkle on chuck roast.
Put a stick of butter on top of  the roast.  Place peppers on top.
Cook in slow cooker on low 4-6 hours until done.

And when I made it last night, I didn't even mix the spice packs.  I just sprinkled them separately.  And you read it corrrectly - there is no liquid in this other than the better when it melts.

Meat cooked in butter?  What's not to love?

It doesn't look like much in the crock pot before it cooks. 

Or even when it's done cooking.   But it is yummy! 

Give it a try next time you make a roast.  I don't think you will be disappointed.