Thursday, April 24, 2014

I'll be ready next year.

It was a typical Easter Sunday around here.  The kids got up way earlier than they should have, especially considering they may or may not still believe in the Easter Bunny.  But the lure of chocolate and other items in their basket was too much.

They seemed delighted with what they got and enjoyed a nice breakfast of candy.  It was a long Lent for them as well so I let them indulge.

I was hopeful that Mass would lift my spirits but unfortunately, it did not.  I wasn't able to sing any songs because I felt like even trying to raise my voice would cause the tears to start.

I did my best not to look at all the cute babies dressed in their Easter finest but Peter and Sarah insisted on pointing each one out.  And I let them.  They seemed to take joy in looking at the babies and even though it was breaking my heart, I couldn't tell them that.  So I painted on a stoic smile and sat there like a robot nodding each time they pointed out a little one.

I am certain that next year I will feel the joy that Easter normally brings but this year it just wasn't there for me.

After we got home from Mass we headed next door to my parent's house for lunch.  My best friend's family was already there and we enjoyed a wonderful meal. My mom is a great cook!

After the meal, we took all the kids outside and let them take turns at a pinata that my aunt got for them.  Even though I thought they might be a little old for the pinata, they all had the best time hitting it.  And it was loaded with lots of candy - the good stuff, too.  Lots and lots of chocolate.

It wasn't the Easter that I had hoped for but all in all it was nice day with friends and family and I know the kids had fun. 

I love this quote from Pope John Paul II -  

"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song!" 

I'm sure that next year, I'll be ready to sing it.


Mary Lenaburg said...

Take one day at a time Beth. Let the grief comes as it does and know that you are surrounded by prayer as you walk through this valley. Blessings and Grace to you from VA! Hugs too!!

Billie Jo said...

Beth...that you gave your beautiful children such a wonderful Easter is a testament to the inspiring, selfless, loving mother you are. Hugs and love from PA, my friend...

Madeline said...

Lucky for all of us, Easter is a full 50 days. So you may not have been able to sing this week, maybe sometime in the next few weeks you might. There is no one way to celebrate Easter just as there is no one way to grieve. It seems to me, you're doing it perfectly for you.

Kay said...

Someone gave me this advice and it is one of the truest statements I've ever grieve differently than adults. And I saw that played out over and over with our girl. So, like you, I learned that they can still smile at babies (or pre-schoolers in my case) but may have a puzzling response to something absolutely benign in my/your opinion. I agree with Mary...take it one day at a time. I know having kids that are a bit older and constantly moving forward makes it feel hard to slow down though.

Mari said...

Easter is a time of joy, but seeing that joy when you are grieving makes the sorrow even more apparent.
You're such a good mom though, letting your kids have such a wonderful day.
I have a feeling your Easters will always be tinged with sorrow because they will remind you of the loss of Rebecca. But, they will get better, and you'll be able to rejoice in the resurrection, knowing you will see that sweet baby again.

Joy said...

One day at a time; one holiday at a time.
Remember to be gentle with yourself.
Holding you in prayer.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I'm so glad you were surrounded by family and friends.
It sounds as though the kids are doing well and that is a good thing.


Jessica said...

Love you. Love your honesty. Love the JPII quote. You're in my prayers, Beth. You are loved.

Erica Saint said...

Such a beautiful quote!
I am keeping you in my prayers.

Micaela Darr said...

Prayers for continued healing. It is incredibly complicated to mourn Rebecca while still loving and celebrating your big kids. Hang in there and know that LOTS of people are praying for you.

jennwa said...

Your mom is a great cook. And we had a lovely Easter. We are so blessed to have friends like you guys.

jennwa said...

Your mom is a great cook. And we had a lovely Easter. We are so blessed to have friends like you guys.