Friday, February 22, 2008

Mommy is tired so you get a rerun.

My husband has been gone all week and I'm tired, so the best I can muster up this morning is a rerun.

This was originally posted last summer when my blog was all shiny and new and I only had 3 readers. I hope you enjoy it.

Now I'm off to pour myself another cup of coffee and count the hours until my sweetie comes home and we can watch American Idol together.


Thursday, July 26, 2007

What About All the Lasts?

All of the baby books go on and on about when to expect the first smile, the first step, the first word. They go on in great detail about what milestones your baby should be reaching and when they should be reaching them.

We made sure to get as many of these firsts as we could on film. We got Sarah rolling over for the first time and Peter taking his first step. I have journal entries about their first words, where we were, how we felt, how they looked. All of this care was taken so that I would be able to look back and fondly recall all of the important firsts in my babies’ lives. So that I could remember everything exactly as it was.

But no one warned me to be on the look out for the lasts. No one told me to pay attention so that I would notice and remember the last time my son twirled his hair the way he had done a thousand times before. I used to think it was an adorable little nervous habit and at the same time I worried that he might be sitting in his very first job interview nervously twirling his hair between his right thumb and forefinger trying to figure out the best way to answer the question “Which piece of fruit would you be in the fruit bowl?”

He used to twirl his hair all the time but he doesn't do it any more. I wish I could see him do it again. How did I miss the very last time?

No one told me to pay attention so that I would recall the last night, the exact last moment my little girl would fall asleep with her pacifier plugged firmly between her lips, sucking like she was Maggie Simpson. She always looked so calm and peaceful sleeping with her paci but I was so busy worrying that she would be the only kid in kindergarten toting a pacifier, an assortment of blankets, doll babies and other lovies with her on her first day that I forgot to notice the last time she used it.

And what about all the other lasts I have missed. When exactly was the last time Peter said “oh-goo” when he meant yogurt or “nambies” when he meant bananas? When exactly was the last time I carried a sleepy Sarah to her room and whispered “lay your head on my shoulder” and she did?

How did my babies look as they drifted off to sleep the very last time I held them after giving them their very last bottle? Why don’t I have a picture of that sweet sleepy expression? How did they look the very last time they splashed happily around in their little plastic baby bathtub?

How did it look the very last time they scooted across the floor on all fours before they learned how to walk? How did they look the very last time they threw Cheerios off their high chair table?

How could I have missed all these lasts? Why didn’t I know to be looking for them, recording them, capturing them? There are many days over the last 4 and a half years when I have thought things like "when will he be potty trained?", “will she ever learn to walk?", “if only they were older we could…” and now I look back and in my quest to hurry and grow them up I’ve missed too many of the lasts. I don’t want to miss any more.

I want to remember the very last time Peter is small enough to be picked up or the last time Sarah gives me her hand as we are walking across the backyard. I want to remember the last time they call me “Mommy” because it won’t be long until I am just plain old Mom.

I want to remember it all. I want to savor it all.

I no longer want to hurry things along, because sadly, it seems, time is passing too quickly without any extra help from me.

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23 comments:

Steph said...

What a great post, Beth! And oh so true! Thanks for going back in the archives to share this one...

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

You're so right. I think I was more attuned to the early "Lasts" of Bean's babyhood because I was thinking she'd be my first, last and only child. I thought about them, but tried to avoid focusing on them because I knew they'd be painful and achey for me. Now that baby 2 IS on his/her way, I think I will be less inclined to look away as old baby habits fall to the wayside, and more inclined to let them into myself. In a way, having my "last" baby come first has steeled and warned me against hiding from of the lasts of the second. If that makes sense.

Which I doubt!

Mari said...

THis is so touching. I've thought about this and wondered why I didn't pay more attention to those things.

Angie said...

As my BABY turns 5 in a few weeks, I am CONSUMED with these thoughts lately. That doesn't help, either, though.
KEEP BELIEVING

My Goodness said...

That's tear-jerkingly sweet.

Reminds me to slow down and savor the stage we're in...even if I want to pull my hair out.

Great post.

Annikke said...

This made me bawl like a baby! It got me really thinking about hw come NO one ever warned me about those "lasts".....

excellent post! Thanks for re-posting it!

Corey~living and loving said...

that gave me chills. so well written. sigh.....

beth said...

Beautiful post. A great reminder to slow down and savor this time.

the mother of this lot said...

If you noticed all the lasts you'd be crying all the time! Well, I would!

Bonnie said...

Such a great post, Beth ! We don't notice the lasts, you're right, because we can't notice them until they are doing them anymore ... but we don't always know it will be the last at the time.

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

You're trying to make me cry, aren't you?

My baby turns 3 in less than a month and I just can't believe it.

Beautiful post and oh so true. Parenting is full of bittersweet moments.

Cathy said...

I LOVE this post! Beautiful. And so true.

tommie said...

Great rerun! I wish I could get to the "last" time she sucked her thumb. We already know she is going to be an orthodontist's dream in about ten years!

Good reminder to slow down and savor the day to day.

happy Friday....just as your sweety is getting home, mine if off leaving for twenty days!

Christy said...

I wish I would have had this posted on my refridgerator the last 5 1/2 years to remind me to enjoy every minute with my kids. I've thought about this topic many times since Jackson started kindergarten this year. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. Great Post!!

Totallyscrappy said...

sniffle, sniffle...

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

That's so true. I miss the way my son used to say so many words with his version of Toddlerese!

Ann(ie) said...

This is a good rerun. My little guy tugs at his ear and it's so dang cute. I'll be sad when he moves on.

AND

I'm jealous that your hubby will watch Amer Idol with you!! My hubby has boycotted reality TV.
feh.

fullheartandhands mama said...

Oh, I'm so glad I stumbled upon this post. It is such a good reminder to live in the moment. It is oh, so true that the days are long, but the years are much too short.

jeneflower said...

We were just looking through photo albums last night and oh how I missed the younger versions of my older kids. I didn't take enough photos.

Jenn said...

This was perfect--I've written before of how I obsessively would try to commit to memory some of their favorite quirks and words; if only we could know about the "lasts".

Gives so much meaning to living in the moment.

purdueliz said...

I found you today through boomama. What a beautiful "rerun" this is. Definitely made me a little teary. It's true though, no one tells you to watch for those lasts. Makes you want to savor every moment (even when they're driving me crazy)!

HRH said...

Oh, and now I am all going mommy emotional on you. It just hurts my heart to think about the firsts, middles and lasts. Why are the days so long, yet time so short?

Thanks for stopping by my blog...I don't know why I have never been here! I'll be back...

MCmommy said...

Ohhhhhhhh. You hit me RIGHT IN THE HEART with this post!!! I have to forward this to all my mom friends..

p.s. This is my first time on your blog and certainly won't be my last! (since we're speaking of lasts.....)